Looking for Answers

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you.” (James 1:5 NLT)

There was a time when my life was stable. During this season, I felt confident that as long as I did the right things, then I would reap the benefits. Now, nothing makes sense. Whatever I do, the outcomes are out of my control. I used to trust my own judgment. But I no longer do. I second-guess all my decisions. This uncertainty has forced me to seek God’s directions for even the minute choices of each day.

In the past few weeks, I have been overwhelmed with decision fatigue. I wrote out questions to Jesus:

Lord, what do You want me to do about ___. Do You want me to go to ___ event? What is Your suggestion on ___ financial issue? Do You think I should say ____ out loud? I don’t know what to do about fixing ___. What do You think? I don’t feel like doing ____, but I’ll do it if You want me to.

I wish I could say that God immediately filled in all the blanks and gave me clarity about every decision. That didn’t happen. But I felt led to read certain sections of the Bible. I kept reading, studying, praying, and asking for direction. The Holy Spirit guided me gently but firmly in surprising ways. My gut instincts tend to tell me to do what I want--which is usually whatever benefits me personally or brings the least amount of discomfort. But God directs me in ways that are contrary, unexpected, nonsensical--often difficult. I have no surety that I am hearing from God, but I try to obey. And when my human nature wants to be in the driver’s seat, I pray for the Holy Spirit to take over.

Lord, I don’t trust my instincts or my judgment. I need godly wisdom. Grant me insights through Your Word. Help me obey Your directions. May Your Holy Spirit guide me in every word I speak, every decision I make, and every action that I take.